Christmas Eve Performances

Our Christmas Eve program was fantastic. I enjoyed the music and entertainment, and the testimony meeting was wonderful!

First was "How the Brinch Stole Christmas". Rachel wrote, narrated and tried to direct it:

Newsies But Goodsies

Newsies opened last night, and I took Lucy, Rachel, Joshua, Enoch and Esther to see it, and we all loved it. There are many good things about it, but I thought the choreography was especially outstanding.

One of the parents took some really good photos, and I have been digging through them and I couldn't find a single one of Andrew ... and then I bumped into this low-light shot:

A Small Harp Walks into a Bar ...

... and exclaims "This harp is thirsty!"

The bartender responds, "Aren't you kind of small to be a harp?"

"Are you calling me a lyre?"

Ba da, dum!

It was great seeing y'all around Thanksgiving time! I just needed more time with you.

I am still trying to get some photos on the blog and then I can send you links. For now, I think I will 1) share a truthful photo,  2) tell you too much about first name choices and why that is geeking me out, and 3) attempt to tell a story.

Happy at Work

This is what my workplace looked like after a meeting today. It made me happy. (Susie, show this to Esther. She will probably be happy, too.)

Warped Humor

At least one child of mine did not understand my last voting-joke email. I thought it was funny, but maybe that is just because I am an old man and seen lots of voting scandals: dead people, imaginary people, rounding up the homeless, etc.

What about this? Is this funny?

Turning in Your Grave

My friend, Bret Cutler, sent this to me today. If I had been drinking milk, I probably would have spit it out through my nose as I laughed!

I can't believe my grandpa is going to vote Democrat for the first time ever. ...

... he never would have done that when he was alive.

Happy election day!

Of Minor Interest

While doing some research on the records we have at the Church History Library today, I happened upon a filmstrip explaining Chinese ancestor worship and religious practices to missionaries in the Taiwan Taipei Mission. It was created in 1974 or 1975, over 10 years before I served a mission in Taichung.

I found the filmstrip on Youtube. If you are interested, or are filled with filial piety, watch some of it.

The narrator is a young AP in the Taiwan Taipei Mission named Garret W. Gong.

Kicking Myself. Not the Tires.

When the catalytic converter fell off, I debated whether or not to give up on the Honda. Tunex told me I had a head gasket leak and it would cost over $1600 to fix. But with Tory Mesmer's help, we checked for coolant or anything else in the oil and found none. And even after added dye to the coolant I couldn't see any evidence it was leaking outside either. And, just in case, I put in some head gasket sealant. 

I then spent a couple hundred bucks replacing the ignition coils and spark plugs, and replaced the thermostat, the temperature sensor and the temperature switch (I did all these myself to save money.) I still overheated later, but then found I needed to "burp" the radiator and was low on oil. It was then working fine. I felt like I had licked the problem and could get at least another year out of the car. The catalytic converter is a very pricey thing, but I thought $900 would now be well spent.

Oops.

Never Enough Musicals

Miriam wanted to do another musical with Jaks Theater, and landed one of the lead roles as Ariel in The Little Mermaid. Congrats!

I don't know if it is a desire to be the biggest fish in a little pond, or if she really dislikes the high school drama director so much she won't try, but she was willing to pay a few hundred to join the show. She also quit her job at Chick-fil-a. And I am now required to buy x-number of seats and support yet another show with my time and money. (Maybe one day I will have a child in show that is expected to be good enough to make money the old fashioned way: by earning it.) I'm not sure how to do it, but I guess I will be helping to build two sets this year, among other things. I only have so many biceps to tear.

Miriam also did a solo Monday night. Here is Miriam singing "Never Enough" at the high school concert. 

Bee YU!

While watching the game, a pretty cheerleader showed up:

The Past Is a Blast

While looking for pictures of Joshua, I saw this photo of Lucy from 10 years ago. It reminded me so much of Esther I did a double-take. So, I thought I'd share!

I love you, sweet Lucy!

An Atheist, a Vegan and a Crossfitter Walk into a Bar

I only know this because they told everyone in the first two minutes.

You're welcome!

This is the email I started days ago. I have been terribly at sending updates, pictures, etc. I will attempt to report by responding to your questions. (I know these are your questions.)

Q. Have you come up with any good names for rock bands lately?

A. Probably hundreds. Here are three pretty good ones that came to mind recently:

1. Misophony (well, if we are really bad or if Miriam can't stand us)
2. The Thickening Plots
3. Probably Hundreds

Q. Have you had any groan-worthy dad jokes or puns lately?

Excitement

This is our excitement tonight:

The street shown above is the one just to our East, toward Altice's. In fact, the emergency vehicle at the bottom of the at the end of the photo is in front of the Altice's. As it says in the article: 

Nut Shell Recipe

I just thought I'd share the gist of Brother Richardson's message during our youth conference trip to Temple Square. It was much more entertaining than a single photo, but I hope this will remind us of the recipe for revelation.

Happy Birthday to Me!

First, I want to tell my Mom that blood clots are not allowed, especially not in your lung, or anywhere else. I hope you are doing well and feel much better soon!

Tuesday is the official release of the first volume of the new official history of the Church, Saints. One of the Church History directors, Keith Erekson, came to Riverton and gave us a very interesting lecture on the creation of the work. 

He also gave us all a copy of the first volume as thanks for our help as the technical people support the software for publishing, cataloging, finding, digitizing, etc.

A Perfect Summer's Day

Last Saturday was pretty darn near perfect: the temperature was cooler than normal, the bees were buzzing, the birds were singing, and the lawnmower was broken.

Well, not exactly broken. Andrew wanted to give it a tune-up. So, while I worked on Miriam's car, Andrew worked on the lawnmower (rather than mow the lawn ... hmmmmmmm).

We found the gasket does need replacing, and I bought a new spark plug, too. When it arrives, I expect my mowers to get back to work!

Bear Necessities

Joshua is on to the bears. I think. 

Who's Your Daddy?

I have another watching assignment. This is only 30 seconds long. After watching, I began to doubt whether Andrew is my son or not. He may be the offspring of Ron Swanson.

Whether he is or not, though, I am proud of him.

A Watching Assignment. And, "A Guy Breathing the Air From a Helium Balloon Once Walked into a Bar."

"He spoke very highly of it."

Thank Isaac for that one! He texted me the short joke and I thought "I bet I can turn that into a lame 'walked into a bar' joke! I was correct!

I have a short, five-minute video I think you might want to watch. I can't vouch for Dr. Dispenza's overall works or anything, but this rang true to me. 

Twenty-five

Twenty-five years ago today Susan Lois Nielson took a leap of faith and was sealed to me in the Manti Temple. She looked beautiful that day. I think she is more beautiful now.

This morning, I hadn't paid attention to the date. A radio personality mentioned that it was the 21st, and reflected on the great blessings that have flowed into my life since we have been together. It is mind-boggling!

I have another busy day today, but wanted to share one brief experience early in our married life that led me to realize I had hit the jack-pot.

Fwd: A new shoulder

Update with good news: my mother's surgery is done and it looks like all went well. Thank you for your prayers.

From: Wesley Benge
Date: Fri, Aug 17, 2018 at 1:56 PM
Subject: A new shoulder

My beloved wife, your mother Ruth, received a call Thursday afternoon about 6 PM, telling her to report to surgery this morning at 5:15 AM.  We showed up, a very efficient nurse helped her prepare.  The surgeon, Dr. Mortensen, came at about 7:15 and she entered pre-op.

Sure. Maybe One Day.

Think this will happen while Grandma Benge is having surgery on her shoulder? Somehow, I imagine not.

Horse Power (and Other Animal Powers)

To many of you I forwarded text messages today: my mother is having shoulder surgery tomorrow, and Uncle Ben fell off a horse doing some training and messed up his back. Your prayers are appreciated.

I sent this to Kristin today:

Send Ben my best. Also, let him know that doing trainings on a horse is a bad idea. Last time I tried it, I couldn't keep my laptop connected to the projector. And, my laser pointer was just all over the place (I could have blinded someone.) And then the custodial staff chewed me out about the feces on the conference room floor. I won't do it again!  

I'm not very helpful, am I?

Speaking of destructive horsepower: Miriam bought a car yesterday! Yay. I think.

Chinese Cryptography

A while back I posted a photo of the most interesting fortune cookie "fortune" I had ever read. I have fantasized about creating fortunes that are strangely specific, just to freak someone out every once in a while: "The man wearing a hat to your left knows something you need to know; talk to him before he leaves."; "The woman behind you in the red dress wants your husband for herself."; etc.

Could the "rubber bands" fortune be targeting some demographic? People with orthodontia? Ryan Shupe followers?

But this one that I got yesterday ... well, I just don't know:

X-Ray! X-Ray! Read All About It!

Esther's x-ray came up negative today. Her foot is still very sore, but the doctor cannot find any kind of fracture. Yay! (That is a preliminary "Yay!", perhaps.)

Of Broken Cars, Dryers and Feet

Let's start at the feet.

Two days ago, Rachel thought it would be awesome to put Esther on top of the exercise ball. Which was on top of the futon mattress. Which was on top of the high, built in bench in the basement. What could go wrong?

Esther hasn't walked since. But, her foot doesn't hurt as bad as it did the day of the accident. The doctor told Susan we could wait a few days before getting an x-ray. My best guess is she has a green-stem fracture in her foot somewhere and will need a cast for a little while.

Today, when I got home, Esther stated matter-of-factly, "I found out why Rachel broke my foot. ... She wasn't thinking."

Moving on to dryers.

Uncle Hank

I went to my Uncle Hank's funeral today. To be more precise, he is my Great Uncle Hank: His wife, Virginia, is my Grandma Vera's little sister. To be even more precise, today was technically his interment, but his children read his life sketch again, his sister Joyce spoke and others were invited to share memories, so it took a long time and seemed like a full funeral to me.

Hank was a valiant fellow. You may remember him at Grandma Vera's funeral. I don't know if you remember Hendrik's Story about his early life or not. When Nazi Germany invaded Holland, he was young. His strongly Christian family hid a Jewish family and was part of the Dutch Underground. Hank ran errands for them without explanation and without knowing what he was doing, so if he was caught he could honestly say he didn't know anything.

Susan's wedding ring diamond is one that he brought to the United States when he emigrated. He joined the church after his mother and sister did (and after his father's death, who died from complications from starvation during the occupation). He was fiercely patriotic, and loved the freedoms this country offered. He was very funny, and I loved talking to him when I was young.

Safety Schmafety

No one, and I mean no one, tells me what I can or cannot do:

Gun Safety

More from Enoch, pontificating on the question "How can I take care of the earth?" :

Why Camping Is Fun

More from Enoch, revealing more about his mental state than I want to know:

Terrifying Insects (Verb or Adjective?)

Mom brought up the word "magnify" in an FHE lesson a while back and asked Esther what a magnifying glass did. She hesitated.

"What if you looked at a bug with it? What happens?"

"It burns it."

Lesson destroyed.

1st graders make a butterfly every year, and it sounds like Enoch's could really use a magnifying glass. Check out his write up of it:

A Potato Walks Into a Bar ...

... and all eyes were on him!

You're welcome!

Well, I haven't sent anything for quite a while. If you care, I apologize. There is some good stuff to relate.

I will send a few emails / blog posts. But, I will start with some basic news that may be of interest.

Uno: Rachel tested into the Spectrum program at school, and will start in 6th grade with Ms. Lloyd. Yay! She is super smart but never tested very high, perhaps because she seemed to be in a hurry and not pay attention. This time she not only passed but passed with a nearly perfect score. I hope she loves it.

"Think of a Problem"

In Africa, Sister Nelson said: "Think of a problem. What eternal laws govern that problem? What eternal laws need to be followed to receive the needed blessing?" What a simple yet profound approach to our struggles and application on the gospel and atonement of Jesus Christ. 

The Theurer's posted on their blog the Prophet's visit to Zimbabwe, and I highly recommend you flip through the notes, quotes and pictures.

Another gem from Elder Holland, who accompanied the Prophet: "Learn to be righteous in the dark." Beautiful.

President Nelson has some good quotes, too! Enjoy!

Once Upon A Mattress Rehearsal

These were taken yesterday, apparently. I don't see Lucy in this one, but Waldo is obvious.

A Neutron Walks Into a Bar ...

... and the bartender exclaims "for you, no charge!"

The electron objects, "That's not fair!"

"You're so negative!" shoots back the bartender.

The neutron is embarrassed to have caused a ruckus. The positron next to the neutron assures him that all is as it should be.

"Are you certain?" asks the neutron?

"I'm positive."

What Is the Opposite of a Dog Pile?

This:

Esther was playing The Princess and the Pea with Marcus. Pea brain?

Here is what happens when doctors and nurses pile on me:

Diebus Valentini + Painful Choices

Here is my blog post with a video and Valentine's Day Party pics.

I was able to upload us singing Lullabye from 5 or 6 years ago.

I uploaded the pictures of our family we took in 2015 and put them on a special page on the blog, if we want to use them.

The Theurers share some amazing photos of their mission to Zimbabwe in their last post. Not only are their magnificent beasts, but I had never heard of "The Great Zimbabwe" before--I can't help but think it inspired some of the idyllic and panoramic views for Black Panther.

One of my favorite quotes at the end comes from a Sister Mkhabela there:

"Everyone must choose one of two pains:  the pain of discipline or the pain of regret."

Valentine's Day Circus Party

 Every year, my sweet wife and children surprise with an amazing Valentine's Day party. I've partied and dined in Spain; I've eaten oily sludge as a robot; I've dined amid treacherous pirates onboard the Black Pearl; I've commanded the table as a Pharaoh.

This year, in the spirit of The Greatest Show, I was taken to a wild and wonderful circus, filled with performers and freaks.

Enjoy the photos and video!

Bad to the Bone

I took Susan and Miriam to Winco today to get some stuff for our reunion Monday, and when we got home Marcus and brought a dead magpie through his little doggie door and dropped it in the middle of the living room. I should have taken a picture. Disgusting. But I believe the intent was wonderful. Good doggie!

I am scheduled to have surgery tomorrow at 1:30. Say a little prayer for me, will you? I like getting that extra little help. For the doctors and nurses, I am sure this is all very routine. For me, this is extraordinary.

O+ Dear!

I still haven't gotten around to posting on the blog our Valentine's Day Party pictures. Sorry.

Friday, Susan hurt her back. She had spasms Saturday afternoon and couldn't go with Rachel to her Federation performance this afternoon. Ow.

While she was suffering, I went the the armory at Central Davis to help construct the castle for the next musical, and I apparently tore my bicep. I don't think it is completely detached from the tendon, but man it hurt. My left arm isn't very useful right now, but it did feel better today. I see a specialist tomorrow morning.

Lullabye

We recorded this over five years ago. It ain't perfect, but I love singing with my wife and children.

A Fond Memory

I was looking for something else. I came upon this and it made me happy, so I thought I'd share this with the people we were with!

A Fish Swims into a Bar ...

... and says "Dam!"

That's another DVB special, folks!

I want to send some photos from very enjoyable Valentine's Day party this year. I will get to it. 

But, in the meantime, I thought I would just point out little things that I found odd, humorous, awesome or disturbing.

Kudos to the Apprentice

Not long after getting home from Italy--which reminds me: did you see the snow in Rome?--Isaac created a chutney burger that he tried out on a date and really liked. Well, look what is on the menu at Troon Prive?

A Young Fish Swims into a Bar ...

... and the bartender asks "Shouldn't you be in school?"

One of my favorite experiences was when Mom discovered that her cousin had a missionary in Taiwan. That was a neat experience for me. We second cousins made sure we got together before we came home. (He married a church member from Taiwan and is a physician in Cananda now.)

Today at work, signs in the lunch room encouraged us to download the FamilySearch Tree app to our phone. (It is best if you turn GPS on). There is an option to see relatives that also have the application nearby.

President Nelson, Pope Francis and Rabbi Yahuda Krinsky Walk into a Bar ...

... And the bartender asks "What is this? Some kind of joke?"

Some kind of joke, yes.

Esther is 5 today! Gideon was able to visit and attend her party, and it was fun to see him. 

Theurer'd Yet?

https://theurerzimbabwemission.blogspot.com/2018/01/this-is-how-they-do-things-in-zimbabwe.html

That is the latest from the Theurers. They do a nice job of showing the unique culture through pictures and stories.

At the end are some quotes from President Monson, and this one got me pondering:

"God left the world unfinished for man to work his skill upon. He left the electricity in the cloud, the oil in the earth. He left the rivers unbridged and the cities unbuilt. God gives us the challenge of raw materials, not the ease of finished things. He leaves the pictures unpainted and the songs unsung and the problems unsolved, that we might know the glories and joys of creation."

A Young Recovering Alcoholic Just Out of Law School ...

... resisted temptation and passed the Bar.

Way to go Dad! I edited it slightly, but I love it!

Quick note for Isaac: I just heard that Kori Anne Dryer just received a call to serve in the Italy Milan Mission.

Testimony meeting was really good today, and maybe the best part was that Miriam not only stayed for the entire meeting but also bore testimony. In fact, she was sitting with the Haruch family, and stood up at exactly the same time Andrew did to bear testimony. Way to go, Mirkat!

Small Town Boy

I found this short video about the how BYU is actually able to do volumetric imaging now -- super, super cool stuff. It is the next step beyond a hologram: like the image of Princess Leia that R2D2 displays.

Does anybody recognize the featured professor?

A Banana Walks Into A Bar ...

... full of ice cream, cherries and nuts and says "I think I better split."

That is a DVB original!

News items:

Missing Two Men

I have more "[enter person or thing here] walks into a bar" jokes, but I will skip it for this.

I thought I should pass a long the news that Keith Steindorf passed away Monday. I don't know if you remember him or not. He lived next to the Damitz family. He was a very nice fellow and I enjoyed talking to him the few times I did. I think Lucy rode one of his horses for Activity Days.

He had been in a nursing home for awhile, and just wasn't the same Keith.

A Dyslexic Fellow Walks into a Bra ...

You're welcome!

I found some videos I neglected, and thought you might enjoy them. They are posted to the Benge family blog. On Christmas Eve in 2016, we had a mini talent show. I wish I would have found them before Christmas to add some holiday cheer!

This is Lucy singing Silent Night.

This is Andrew singing O Come, O Come Emmanuel.

This is Lucy, Miriam and Hannah singing Joy to the World.

Enjoy.

Lucy, Miriam and Hannah 2016: Joy to the World

Andrew 2016: O Come, O Come Emmanuel

Lucy 2016: Silent Night

Favorite: A Termite Walks into a Bar ...

... and asks, "Where's the bar tender?"

I think you all know that one. It is still one of my favorite jokes of all time.

I remembered what Esther said that made me laugh. I don't remember why I said it, but I was teasing Esther, telling her that I would have to sell her.

She disagreed, and asked, "Can we sell Miriam instead?"

A Tectonic Plate Stumbles Into a Bar ...

... knocking things over, and quickly apologizes, "Sorry! My fault!"

You're welcome!

Speaking of earth shattering news: I forgot to share a photo embarrassing myself. For the Nielson family candlelight Christmas party (which is what they usually call it every year, even though we typically leave out anything to do with candles), the theme was to dress as a favorite Christmas character:

A Guy Walks Into A Bar ...

... and sustains a mild concussion.

You're welcome.

I don't know why some of the Christmas photos didn't make it. I added them to the blog. They are here, here and here.