Pulled Beef, Fowl Flesh & the Joys of Home Ownership

1. Yesterday, Esther went out on the deck and hurried back in, shivering, and said "I got ..." followed by a pause, and then "goose bumps." And then she started laughing, and exclaimed, "I almost said 'chicken pox!'"

Nice catch!

2. Awhile ago Hannah was talking to Susan and I, and she suddenly stopped and said, "Dad! I have a beef to pull with you!"

That is unintentional genius. Does she have a "bone to pick" or just a "beef" with something? No, she has a "beef to pull". I love it! It was very reminiscent of when Susie told me how people kept interrupting her breakfast so she "couldn't get a bite in edge-word". Neither phrase makes one iota of sense, and yet I understand exactly what is meant. Genius.

3. Update on the homefront (and roof and basement): the leak in the basement has been resolved. Huzzah! I plan to do the cement work a week from Friday. The leaky roof, according to a roofer, needs to be redone and will cost at least $6000: I understand what he was saying and he is probably right, but can't we do something silly that works for a few hundred? Another roofer should be coming today.

Do You Favor Fire or Is Ice Nice?

Just before Christmas, Miriam did some pretty cool make-up on herself and Lucy. I took a few pictures. One of them I took with a clouded sun directly behind them, just for the halibut. And I really like the photo! I think it looks terrific:

A Dog Walks into a Bar ...

... and asks for a job.

"Why don't you try the circus?" The bartender asks?

The dog replies, "Why would the circus need a bartender?"

You're welcome!

I just have a longer bar joke I wanted to share with you.

Bargain Basement, Part II

Before cutting up Lucy and Rachel's wall, I have been making plans to level the basement floor in the downstairs family room. Working with Jeff Stringham, I now have a two part plan to add a layer of cement in the lowest parts (more than an inch or so thick), and then add an inch to an inch and a half of quick-set, self-leveling cement on top of that over the entire south side of the room. The slope has always bugged me: we couldn't use the ping pong table down there, and the table and chairs are always crooked.

At least it doesn't leak in there. (Although we have developed a leak around one of the skylights above it. Another leak to fix!) I know it doesn't leak because we tore out the carpet. Here is what we found:

Bargain Basement Part I

Our carpet is on hold as we having some water still in the corner of the two East basement bedrooms. It ain't much. But, years ago we had a company dig a trench along much of that East wall to collect run-off and then pump the water out, so we aren't sure why we have any water there. They came out yesterday and he asked me to tear out some wall to see what's going on.  

Last night after taking Esther to a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese (a.k.a., Vegas for children) and then picking up Joshua after his basketball practice, I went after the wall in the SE corner.

I think I found the problem. The wood from a 2X4 was drenched, just above where it attached to 2X2 at a "T". They are there for drywall attachment. There was especially a long screw through the 2X4 into the cement, and I think it was a main conduit: the screw hole is right above a cracked knot, and that area was saturated. I think the water then drips down from the wood, which is past the drain edge against the wall, and it then slowing moves to the low point between the rooms.

As you can see, the wood is very rotten, and everything was damp days after our big rain storm.

For BYU Football Fans Only

Mark Twain popularized the phrase "There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics." I will now use some recent statistics in the AFC and NFC championship games that prove ... nothing about BYU football. But I thought it was cool.

First, Joshua and I have been cheering for the New Orleans Saints a lot this year, mostly because Taysom Hill is a phenomenal do-everything player. He throws. He catches. He runs. He blocks punts. He returns kickoffs. He even pancakes defenders when he plays at the tight-end position and blocks for other running backs, which is impressive to watch. Even though the Saints lost Sunday, Taysom Hill had a two-yard TD reception. Way to go, Taysom!

In the next game featuring the Kansas City Chiefs vs. the New England Patriots, the leading tackler for both teams were former BYU players.

Use the Whole Thing

Hey-ya, keeds!

Check out your 2nd cousin's talent-show performance. He wrote the tune:

https://www.facebook.com/sharlee.bates/videos/1596783690555440/UzpfSTEwMDAwNjcxNDcyODAzNjoyMzcyNTQ4NTQyOTc4OTQ3/

Like our ancestors learned to use every bit of any animal they slaughtered, he has learned how to use the whole thing.

I don't know what the tune is called. Maybe "Whole E. Cow"?

Super Blood Wolf Girl

"Super Blood Wolf Moon". Silly. I can think of lots of names cooler than that. How about "Spider Bark Toot Moon"? "Rabid Dog Spank Moon"? Oh well.

Or, how about a superbabe called Super Blood Wolf Girl! Here she is!

Fwd: Rome Italy Temple (2)

---------- Forwarded message ---------
From: Isaac Benge
Date: Mon, Jan 14, 2019 at 1:04 PM

Baptistry, Bride Room, Celestial Room, Staircase, Visitor Center

Fwd: Rome Italy Temple (1)

---------- Forwarded message ---------
From: Isaac Benge 
Date: Mon, Jan 14, 2019 at 1:03 PM

They finally released temple photos: here you go

Carpet Diem and Mandrew

The last few days got really busy as Andy Johnston, bless his enormous and wonderful heart, recently offered to install carpet in our home, using rolls of carpet that apartments no longer want. We have carpet installers at our home right now (Carpet Diem!) putting carpet in the living room and the hallway and three bedrooms upstairs. 

[Note: I wrote this yesterday but didn't have time to send it! The carpet upstairs is in!]

I am excited for the carpet, which we really really really need and appreciate. Prepping is a pain, of course. Its a lot like moving to a new home without going anywhere. 

Check out our Family Room. Cozy!

Fortunately, we aren't doing it all at once. I plan two more visits to get it all done.

Possibly Interesting Stuff You Can Learn on Facebook When Not Preparing for Carpet

Without any missionaries out, I am no longer a consistent emailer. I apologize.

I have a post coming all about prepping for new carpet. It will be very exciting. Ha ha! You just caught me guile! But it will have pictures, when my DropBox finishes updating.

In the meantime, I will share about something I found interesting but probably isn't.

The other day, when I was not prepping for carpet, I was looking for and at some Facebook posts of fellow Taiwan Taichung Mission missionaries. Uninterestingly, I find most FB posts uninteresting. You can learn what someone ate for breakfast. You can learn that someone appreciates their spouse or child or parent on their birthday. You can learn that someone went somewhere besides their backyard. You can learn that someone went in their backyard. 

Christmas Eve Performances

Our Christmas Eve program was fantastic. I enjoyed the music and entertainment, and the testimony meeting was wonderful!

First was "How the Brinch Stole Christmas". Rachel wrote, narrated and tried to direct it:

Newsies But Goodsies

Newsies opened last night, and I took Lucy, Rachel, Joshua, Enoch and Esther to see it, and we all loved it. There are many good things about it, but I thought the choreography was especially outstanding.

One of the parents took some really good photos, and I have been digging through them and I couldn't find a single one of Andrew ... and then I bumped into this low-light shot:

A Small Harp Walks into a Bar ...

... and exclaims "This harp is thirsty!"

The bartender responds, "Aren't you kind of small to be a harp?"

"Are you calling me a lyre?"

Ba da, dum!

It was great seeing y'all around Thanksgiving time! I just needed more time with you.

I am still trying to get some photos on the blog and then I can send you links. For now, I think I will 1) share a truthful photo,  2) tell you too much about first name choices and why that is geeking me out, and 3) attempt to tell a story.

Happy at Work

This is what my workplace looked like after a meeting today. It made me happy. (Susie, show this to Esther. She will probably be happy, too.)

Warped Humor

At least one child of mine did not understand my last voting-joke email. I thought it was funny, but maybe that is just because I am an old man and seen lots of voting scandals: dead people, imaginary people, rounding up the homeless, etc.

What about this? Is this funny?

Turning in Your Grave

My friend, Bret Cutler, sent this to me today. If I had been drinking milk, I probably would have spit it out through my nose as I laughed!

I can't believe my grandpa is going to vote Democrat for the first time ever. ...

... he never would have done that when he was alive.

Happy election day!

Of Minor Interest

While doing some research on the records we have at the Church History Library today, I happened upon a filmstrip explaining Chinese ancestor worship and religious practices to missionaries in the Taiwan Taipei Mission. It was created in 1974 or 1975, over 10 years before I served a mission in Taichung.

I found the filmstrip on Youtube. If you are interested, or are filled with filial piety, watch some of it.

The narrator is a young AP in the Taiwan Taipei Mission named Garret W. Gong.

Kicking Myself. Not the Tires.

When the catalytic converter fell off, I debated whether or not to give up on the Honda. Tunex told me I had a head gasket leak and it would cost over $1600 to fix. But with Tory Mesmer's help, we checked for coolant or anything else in the oil and found none. And even after added dye to the coolant I couldn't see any evidence it was leaking outside either. And, just in case, I put in some head gasket sealant. 

I then spent a couple hundred bucks replacing the ignition coils and spark plugs, and replaced the thermostat, the temperature sensor and the temperature switch (I did all these myself to save money.) I still overheated later, but then found I needed to "burp" the radiator and was low on oil. It was then working fine. I felt like I had licked the problem and could get at least another year out of the car. The catalytic converter is a very pricey thing, but I thought $900 would now be well spent.

Oops.